Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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