East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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