i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
