There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
