he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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