Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
