how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
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