He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
