OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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