I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
