I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
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