The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
