so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
