the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
