are you still at the devil's house?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
