I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
