I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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