i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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