wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize