Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
