Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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