Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
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