I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I didn't notice because vodka
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
