I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
