I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
