I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm getting married
To pizza
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
