I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
