I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
