So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
