It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
