I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
