what day is it and did you see me today?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
