i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
