Umm I'm too high to move.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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