when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
even my farts smell like vagina
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
