This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
