guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
