the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
