Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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