You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
