Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
