They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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