wrigley field is MILF paradise
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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