marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
