cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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