her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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