the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
