We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
