My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
