My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
this will be a night to untag.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
