im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
