if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
