While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
