i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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