FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just pee around me
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
