i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize