I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
