Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize