I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
