3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
