i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
