Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
