Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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