Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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