he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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