Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
