hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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