ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
