I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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