i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
