there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
