Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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