I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
