I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize