I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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