I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
