Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize