i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
