and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
MIDGETS
????
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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