I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
