New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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