I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
