Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
