community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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