I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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