Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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