actually, I'm a sock model
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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