My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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