You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
