You really coming over, don't trick.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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