I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
