I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
