Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
