Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
