Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
