There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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